According to statistics, the number of singles and Modern Relationships divorces is steadily increasing, and the number of satisfactory relationships is declining. In turn, more and more “no obligation” relationships in which you do exactly the same as in a close relationship, but you do not get involved and do not make a declaration, because who knows – maybe you will meet Margot Robbie tomorrow.
Part of this is because people have realized that being with someone is neither a necessity nor a guarantee of happiness.
However, this only explains a small fraction of the cases. DilMil.co According to the declaration, for most of us, relationships are one of the most important things, only that we build them like a handyman who cracked too many monkeys in the morning.
So the day comes at last when you look at what you have in Modern Relationships common with someone and wonder why the answer is “Nothing.” After all, my parents and grandparents were good.
So the question is – what doesn’t work in modern relationships?
1. That we believed that love would take care of everything
A relationship with love sounds obvious, but historically the idea of getting into a relationship based on feelings is still new. Until the Second World War, arranged marriages were rather financially motivated. Love was at best an accessory, and at worst, it was treated as a mental illness that disturbed rational judgment.
Today love is a basic expectation and not only in the sense of “I want to be with someone who attracts me and is important to me.” Love is also supposed to do much more – make a relationship meaningful, solve problems, make the other person turn into their opposite, motivate life and ensure endless happiness.
If you believe it, you will expect feelings to be all you need to create a relationship. It sounds great, but it’s not true. A relationship is everyday days, thousands of decisions, fixed patterns of behavior, problems, the ability to make the other person feel important and needed, and dozens of other matters. Feelings are an important part of all of this, but not the only one. If you don’t deal with the rest of the elements as well, love is not enough.
2. There is no longer a single relationship model
Somewhere inside me, if people had at least one conversation about how they imagine a relationship, fewer people would be disappointed in them. However, most people don’t. DilMil Modern Relationships They assume that everyone wants a relationship like them. As if they were identical people with the same goals and family patterns.
It used to work because these patterns were rigid and predefined. Now finding someone to match requires testing and checking, not a single shot.
Without taking these various expectations into account, you are reminded of someone who goes to the shooting range once every three years and wants to hit the center of the target.
It’s simply impossible. If you want to hit the target, you need a lot of tries. If you want to be with the right person, the recipe is similar.
3. More expectations, but less effort – Modern Relationships
Psychologist Bianca-Beata Kotoro says what I could say myself – that “people have very high expectations of another person, and they lecture on the question of what they could offer themselves.”
It’s a matter of living in a partner supermarket that I once wrote about . You have such a large selection of potential partners that you create endless lists of expectations. The downside is that you often look at what others can give you for so long that you don’t ask yourself what you can give in return. In doing so, you are ignoring the basic principle of human relationships.
You see, when I was about to become a father, I scoured the internet for advice from current fathers about what parenting should be like. I especially like one. Its author was the father, who said that he did not require children to fulfill his unfulfilled ambitions or to control their emotions perfectly. He only expects from them as much as he gives.
So when he wanted them to learn to skate, he had learn to skate. Before and had smashed his ass on the ice an endless number of times.
How he wanted them to keep order, he had to learn to put things back, and he had never done that before.
He never demanded absolute control over their anger, because he was 40 himself and he couldn’t do it either.
This approach is honest, sincere and effective. And most importantly, it also works in relationships.
4. Taking care of a partner no longer has an end date
In the past, the struggle for someone ended with the words: “I declare you husband and wife.” Then, year after year, people would say to themselves. “I have to be with this person.” Even when they were unhappy. They were often together anyway, because they had no other choice. One theory is that the source of monogamy for a long time was that life was so hard it was a necessity to be together. (By the way, this is why the number of divorces increases as wealth grows.)
It meant that in order to be together Modern Relationships they did not need any knowledge or knowledge of psychology. They didn’t have to learn how to make the other person happy with them or be better partners. All they had to do was get it and endure.
Today, getting someone is not the finish line anymore. This is just one of the checkpoints , and relationships are no longer defined by the phrase “I need to be with you.” They are defined by the sentence: “I want to be with you.”
So it is not enough to get someone and forget about the other person. It’s about making her want to be with you. To see the meaning of this relationship on a daily basis.
It doesn’t have to mean sweat and sweat. However, it requires accepting the fact that we are not going once, but day after day.
5. Not knowing what you want in a relationship
There is a joke:
– What is it? And this? And that one in the back?
You think that this child knows the world, and this old woman is looking for the meat of her life in the supermarket.
The bad news is that in the field of human relationships we are all old women to some extent.
Undecided, always wanting more, scared that being with someone, we will miss a better relationship. Going out into the world to experience the party of his life – juicy, bright and unique. But each time ending up standing on the threshold, because it is not known if another one would be better.
It is the bane of all choices, because when you really do not choose anything. Then nothing gives you definitely happiness.