The Languages of Love

Couple Therapy and The Languages ​​of Love

In the office, I receive several couples Languages of Love who complain about their spouse’s differences and seek couples therapy to try to change what the other has that is different, so that they try to adapt to their way of being. Others seek couples therapy due to difficulties or lack of communication. As they do not feel understood, loved or valued in the relationship they are experiencing.

Why do some couples seek couples therapy?

Several reasons lead couples to therapy, such as:

  • Adjust each other’s differences in the relationship;
  • Improve communication between the couple;
  • Know what are the obligations of each one within the relationship;
  • Set goals and objectives;
  • End competition and  insecurities that may exist in the relationship;
  • Try to strengthen the union between the couple and keep the commitment;
  • Improve sex life;
  • Overcoming betrayals;
  • Improve the quality of the relationship;
  • Understand each other’s needs.

Gary Chapman , in his book The 5 Love Languages, writes, through his perception as a couples counselor. That each of us adopts a language by. Which we give and receive love, and when the couple does not understand. The language of love a on the other. The relationship is affected, Lovinga as they will not feel love and understood.

The 5 Love Languages ​​According to Gary Chapman

  1. Words of affirmation;
  2. Acts of Service;
  3. Quality time;
  4. Physical touch;
  5. Receive gifts .  

Although each person can have all five languages. There are some items that stand out in relation to others. For you to understand better. Let’s talk about each of the five love languages.

Words of affirmation are one of the 5 love languages ​​and are effective in making the listener feel confident. Valued, important and loved. This is positive for those. Who listen and also for those. Who speak, since this act is a way of showing positive feelings and beliefs and verbalizing. Their love for the person, managing to touch the heart of those who have this main language.

People who use acts of service as a form of love language are those who like to offer help, assistance and care as a way of showing their love. They like to help and donate their work and without measuring efforts, as they like to welcome people through actions and services.

Here are some types of service acts that help in the life of a couple:

  • Wash the dishes,
  • Give a ride,
  • Take care of kids,
  • Between others.

People who have quality time as their love language value moments with the people they love and enjoy being connected with them. This time goes beyond physical presence, as it is about being present with body and soul.

Physical touch, skin to skin is a powerful way of showing feelings and love, but this physical touch does not mean just sexual touch, but all forms of touch that make the other feel special and loved, such as a affection, a hug, a caress, a kiss, walking hand in hand, etc.

Some people feel very loved to receive some kind of gift, regardless of the monetary value, because they feel remembered, loved and valued. Gifts can be a card, a flower, a treat that makes those who receive them feel remembered and loved.

The 5 languages ​​and the relationship

How have you been using the 5 love languages ​​in your relationship? Have you remembered to do for the other what makes you happy or have you asked that only what makes you happy be done?

If this is happening in your marital life, maybe your relationship is cold or even about to end , because you will be neglecting what makes your partner happy, just as you will be forgotten in the midst of everyday problems. day.

To change this scenario, the couple must understand that if there is no communication between them, the marriage or relationship will end.

Therefore, the help of a specialized professional is essential to help the couple look at the “blind spots” that are hindering this union . The psychologist will help the couple to train the conversation for two, to explain their feelings, to know the language of love that makes the other happy and loved; this training must be daily, with awareness and intention.

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In the practice of couple therapy, the spouse will learn to listen and receive feedback about their actions, in order to understand what they are doing or not doing so that the relationship balances out and becomes a happier couple. A happy marriage is based on a balance between joint planning, communication and division of tasks.

How about praising more, giving a treat, doing for the other, cuddling or taking time to be together and enjoy the moment? Simple everyday actions can make the couple get closer and enjoy the moments together more; in addition, it is important in a couple’s relationship to pay attention to leisure time, to a time alone as a couple, because the marriage routine, if not taken care of, can lead to the end of the relationship.

The psychologist will help the couple to avoid fights, clashes and accusations so that they can reduce conflicts, improve communication and move towards a good relationship, thus avoiding the end of the relationship .

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